he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
