too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
