If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
