hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the condom got lost in my hair
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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