He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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