I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
