so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
