ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
