Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
