We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Randomize
