so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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