I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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