I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want to make out with him forever
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
