We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
