The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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