He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
