Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
