sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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