He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
