the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
