I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
