I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
