glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
