she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
