sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
