You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
