ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
