no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
