My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
