gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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