May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
