I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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