I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
