He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
