I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
