I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
