New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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