I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
