he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Two words: blizzard sex
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
