then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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