He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
