Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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