im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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