Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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