we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I wish there were birth control emojis
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
