But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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