38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
