He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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