I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
