i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
