That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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