the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
